My brother Matt was the biggest Seahawks fan I’ve ever known. When mom and I were cleaning out his room at the nursing home, we filled at least three extra large Hefty bags with jerseys, hats, sweatpants, socks, t-shirts, and sweatshirts. Truth be told, there was a fair bit of Cougs paraphernalia as well, but it was mostly blue and green stuff we eventually donated to the church at the bottom of the hill. Still, there is a closet full of Matt’s clothes that holds his favorite jerseys. The #80 Steve Largent, the #28 Curt Warner. So when the Seahawks won the NFC title two weeks ago, I called mom and asked her if I could borrow one of Matt’s jerseys for the game. She brought me a couple to choose from and I selected an old school, pre-iridescent blue, Curt Warner. It felt like a fitting tribute.

Matt would have been giggling with delight for two straight weeks at the thought of his Hawks in the big game. It would have been annoying, actually, to go visit him and not be able to talk about anything else. He’d have been so excited about it, he would only talk in that super high pitch he squealed in when he was being overly dramatic and happy. He’d watch the game and see Jim Zorn in the coaches’ booth and tell stories, that were likely 100% accurate, about touchdown passes he’d thrown and sneaks he’d made for first downs.

And though I’m almost unbearably sad that Matt wasn’t here to watch the game or enjoy the frenzy that preceded it, it would have been much more tragic if he was here but still lingering in that state of half-awareness that passed for consciousness in his last six or so months. Since he’s not here though, I can live in the fantasy about how much fun it would have been to see his room completely decked out in pennants and pom poms and little Seahawks teddy bears, and to hear him wax poetically about how he’d always known Mike Holmgren would get us here. And how sorry those Steelers were going to be for messing with his team.

Now that we’re here, the day after a disappointing loss, reading the articles about shitty calls, blown chances, and ugly plays, I can’t help but think if Matt was with us, he probably wouldn’t have noticed that the Seahawks lost. My friends and I talked a lot last night (well, not GTB, the Steelers fan, but the rest of us) about East Coast bias and how much lower ratings would have been if the Seahawks had won and how typical it is of the Pacific Northwest to have teams that get oh-so-close, but always leave us a bit disappointed and how we’re still supposed to meet those teams at the airport and be supportive and happy we got this far. And the thing is, Matt would have been fine with it all.

If things had turned out exactly as they did and Matt was still here, six months from now he’d be telling stories about how the Seahawks won Superbowl XL. And no amount of convincing would have changed his mind. Matt had an uncanny ability to convince himself of things that he wanted to be true. (I’ve talked before about how he was absolutely sure he was 6’4″, right?) Some of us are licking our wounds today. Some of us are the same people who on Sunday morning said it was enough just to have gotten to Detroit. But it gives me some small pleasure to think that Matt would have been celebrating today. Or at least talking the Hawks up enough to ensure he could be basking in their victory a few short months from now.

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