Something wicked this way comes
I used to love fall. When we got a few rainy days in August, I used to get excited at the thought of more days spent inside without guilt about how I should be enjoying the sun, cooler nights when I can again use my down comforter, college football, blustery weather, drinking hot chocolate, and the excuse to lie about in socks and sweats all evening long.
But lately, when I get up to go to the gym in the morning, it’s still dark out. My shoulders have been sore for about a week now and I’ve realized it’s because I’m tensing up in my sleep because it’s colder at night. And yep, we’ve had a few days of rain. All tell-tale signs that fall is just around the corner. And you know what, I’m fucking PANICKING.
There was an evening last December when I realized I might have a case of SAD (seasonal affective disorder, I think). I had been working a lot, which meant that it was dark when I got to work, and it was dark when I left work, and I didn’t sit by a window, so as far as I was concerned, it was dark at the time. After a couple of weeks of this, coupled with some pretty shitty weather, I decided to leave work on time. As I was walking through Pioneer Square to my car, which was parked in a lot soon to be abandoned by me and everyone I knew because of frequent rat sightings, it was raining and dark and I knew it was going to last for at least three more months. I suddenly felt unbearably claustrophobic. I was short of breath and my knees buckled. I thought to myself, “I’m never going to make it. I won’t survive until spring. I’m gonna lose my already neurotic mind.” Of course, when I got home and turned on every light in my apartment, I felt better. And, since you are reading this, obviously I did make it through the winter.
Today, Jeff sent me some pictures that he’d taken of a few of our friends at a party I had at my parents’ house last November. As I was looking at them, laughing at the one of BFE dancing on the fireplace as I watched idly by in my cheerleading uniform (yeah, it was that kind of party), I was reminded that there is such a thing as November. That long, cold, rainy, dark, month that isn’t even fullly winter yet. The one that’s followed by at least four more months of dark and rain and cold. And it comes right after October, which follows shortly after September, which starts tomorrow. So as much as I like the fall, winter comes right after it. And seriously, folks, I’m freaked.