Age Old Mysteries
Blame it on the Badger. He was soliciting questions for his week-long stint as an advice columnist and the only inquiry I could think of was one that has plagued girls like me for … well, since the telephone was invented, I guess: why do guys ask for your number if they aren’t going to call?
I’ve been a single girl long enough to know that guys don’t call you after a one-night stand. I know that sometimes, saying “Can I have your number?” is a good way to end a conversation. I am aware of the fact that by the time some guys work up the balls to ask for your number, they are so drunk they don’t remember you in the morning anyway. I totally get all of that.
Let me illustrate for you the kind of “I’ll call you” cop out I am confused about by using my most recent run-in with this frustrating phenomenon: I’m at a bar with a group of friends. Cute Boy walks in, looks sweet and non-threatening. After small discussion with friends (mostly guys) about whether or not I’m hot enough with my hair curly to go hit on Cute Boy, I am convinced that I should bite the bullet and go. I approach Cute Boy and his Friend, make idle chatter. Eventually, Friend excuses himself. Cute Boy and I continue to talk. Exchange funny stories about jobs. He’s shy and kind of quiet, but seems interested. Occasionally, Drunk Man who is sitting on the other side of me interrupts to tell me how hot I am and that I shouldn’t be wasting my time on Cute Boy. Cute Boy asks what he says, and then asks me to ignore Drunk Man from that point forward. We continute chatting. I check in with my friends, who want to leave. Walk back to Cute Boy, tell him I have to go. He says, “Do you want to give me your number?” I say, “Um, yes. It’s…. Call me and we can get some coffee.” Exit.
Here we are a week later, still no call. Is he shy? Was he not interested? Did he get obliterated right after I left and black out the rest of the night? Did he think about it the next day and decide that I’m really NOT that hot with my hair curly?
Because, seriously, I was fine just shaking his hand and saying goodbye. He was totally cute and really nice and smart and funny and all of that, but so are a lot of other guys who didn’t get my hopes up by suggesting my phone might be a-ringin’ sometime soon.
So I guess it’s both a question and a request. Guys, why bother? If you aren’t interested or don’t think you are going to call a girl, DO NOT ask for her phone number. I promise she won’t be hurt or disappointed. If she is, she’s crazy, which is further evidence that you don’t want her digits anyway and shouldn’t pretend you do.
September 29th, 2005 at 11:30 pm
After reading the whole story, I have your answer. Shy quiet guys are intimidated by girls who directly approach them. He probably thought you were an aggressive woman.If you saw him again, he would never admit it. He would tell you that he was too shy to call you.Next time send one of your girlfriends over to talk to the drunk friend, and then casually walk over as if to rescue her, and strike up a conversation with shy quiet guy. The direct approach does not work on shy people. I have spent a considerable portion of my life in nightclubs and saloons. Guys think differently.
September 29th, 2005 at 11:33 pm
I forgot to add that if you saw him again, he might also say that he lost your number. This would be untrue 99 percent of the time. No normal guy ever loses a woman’s phone number.
September 30th, 2005 at 12:05 pm
Badger Bob, your wing-woman approach from above is genius.
I think most single guys like sex, have a weird reaction to commitment, and think they should feel bad after a one-night-stand. I mean, c’mon, who feels comfortable saying “So long and thanks for the sex” the next morning. Getting the phone number is a way to avoid feeling bad and pre-empt the “I don’t want to be in a relationship right now” conversation. Sure, it’s fucked (no pun intended), but many people aren’t quite the grown-ups they should be. Also, girl, you’re an extrordinary woman, but I’ll bet the farm that lots of women, when actually faced with that situation, would have a problem with the “So long and thanks for all the sex” approach.
Men should respect your honesty and openness, but what can I say? People are stupid, but they like sex and dont like conflict. Seems like a fundamental law of the universe to me.
September 30th, 2005 at 12:07 pm
Oh…by the way, your’e hotter with curly hair. Not that the staright hair isn’t stunning as well.
September 30th, 2005 at 2:14 pm
Yeah, but I’m not talking about the after-sex phone number request. I’m talking about the ones that happen at the end of a conversation when it would be just as easy to say, “Well, it was nice to meet you,” or “Hope to see you here again sometime.” There is no need to ask for the phone number after a brief and casual conversation. There is no awkward moment. So why ask for it then if you don’t want it?
September 30th, 2005 at 4:48 pm
Yeah, that is bullshit. I have no response except that some guys are trophy hunters. By the way, imho a guy who asks for your phone number and then doesn’t call isn’t worth your time. Small consolation, I know.
October 3rd, 2005 at 8:43 am
My two cents, as a sometimes shy/ sometimes not guy (as you know): I actually like direct girls, because I think so much of the whole Meeting People in Bars scene is people play-acting. Now, when I ask for a phone number, I fully intend on calling. There was an instance last week when I met some girl 5 min before she was leaving the bar, and she said to get her phone number to meet up later. She will not be called. 5 minute conversation? I’m not even sure I spelled her name right in my phone (for the record, her name may or may not have been Dili. Not kidding.).
Plus, people are idiots.
And, curly hair? Man, I miss everything.