Is that a Slippery Slope I See Up Ahead?
I’ve had a cold for a good two weeks now. So yesterday, fed up with my raspy (GTB calls it “sultry”) voice, swollen glands, and tears-producing coughing fits, I went to see my doctor.
“It’s viral,” she told me, to absolutely no one’s surprise. “But your glands are pretty swollen, which means you are likely fighting off an infection somewhere. I’ll give you an antibiotic.”
I’m normally a big proponent of only taking antibiotics if you know you have an infection and you can’t kill it off yourself. That whole post-apocaplyptic germs’ll-be-the-death-of-all-humanity fear. But when she said, “Are you coughing a lot too? Yes? Then I’ll give you some cough syrup that’ll help you through the night,” I caved.
At first she offered codeine. I refused. Codeine does weird things to me. Last time I took it, I yelled out football cadences in my sleep. (“Blue 34!”) She said she had something else that was almost as good.
It wasn’t until I got home that I realized she gave me liquid Vicodin. Sah-weet!
But that’s not even the best part.
The best part was that after I told her about the wad of phelgm in the back of my throat I couldn’t seem to get rid of, she gave me…wait for it…can you hear the angels getting ready to weep?…
REAL SUDAFED!
In Oregon, it’s now impossible to get pseudoephedrine over the counter–stupid Meth heads. But your doctor can prescribe it. And my angel of a doctor did just that for me yesterday.
I took one as soon as I got home and the wad is gone. GONE. The wad that has been with me for twelve days now has packed up and shipped off. No amount of Mucinex, Sudafed PE, steamy showers, hot tea, or saline nose spray could do it. But one little red pill and, voila, breathin’ easy.
I’m a happy camper.
The little shot of Vicodin at bedtime was kinda nice, too.