Before Arctic Blast 2008, I was well on my way to being excited about Christmas for the first time in YEARS. I don’t know if it was because of Signe or because we were going to my parents’ house for the holiday for the first time in a few years or what, but I was drinking the Christmas Kool-Aid.

And then the snow came.

One week, sixteen inches of snow, and five house-bound days later, the Christmas spirit was gone. Maybe it was due to the fact that the only other people I saw (aside from the myriad Newschannel 8 reporters keeping us posted on road conditions in places I had no intention of traveling to) were Megann, Greg, and Signe. It’s hard to be in the holiday mood when you aren’t out shopping or enjoying the lights amongst strangers. Or maybe the cabin fever just overtook any burning Christmas desires.

Last night, after desperate pleas, false starts, and ODOT’s infuriatingly ridiculous decision to plow I-5 at 4:30 p.m. the day before Christmas Eve, we were rescued from the prison of our own home by my father-in-law in his 4-wheel-drive tire-chained Volvo. On the hour-and-a-half ride from our home in North Portland to the in-law’s in Tualatin, we listened to the local all-Christmas-music-all-the-time radio station. By the time we got over the river and through the woods to Grandma’s house, I was back to being excited about Christmas.

This morning, despite the snow, I made it into the office, again via the Volvo. Since I was the only person here for a while, I turned on the crappy little clock/radio in my office to the Christmas music station. It only took about an hour for me to realize there just aren’t that many Christmas songs. I heard “Jingle Bell Rock” twice in a two-hour span. (And every time I hear it, I can’t help but picture the dance Lindsay Lohan and her gal pals do in Mean Girls.)

I’ve heard “Have a Holly, Jolly Christmas” so many times I want to barf.

I suffered through Celine Dion singing “O Holy Night” on the way into the office and I’ve already heard it again, only this time it’s being sung by someone who sounds like Peabo Bryson. This used to be my favorite Christmas song. Not anymore.

I’m currently listening to what I think is Michael Bolton (that no-talent ass clown) do his take on “Little Drummer Boy.” Someone kill me.

I think I’ve heard every song from the Charlie Brown Christmas album. What used to be a great jazz album now feels cheap and common.

And no matter how many times I’ve hoped for a White Christmas, hearing Bing sing about it this year just makes me remember that snow may be pretty, but it can severely fuck up your Christmas plans.

“The Most Wonderful Time of the Year” has been on, count it, THREE times.

Oh god, now it’s that Transiberian Orchestra version of Deck the Halls. I have to go throw up.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all…well, here’s to the day after Christmas when we no longer have to hear this bullshit.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 24th, 2008 at 1:38 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.