I got back to my apartment after being gone for almost a week and a half yesterday afternoon. The cats were a little extra needy, but despite my homesickness and fears that I might be unable to adjust to normal life again, everything else felt the same.

After a week of family, friends, well wishers, flowers, sympathy cards, more food than I could possibly ingest, playing with adorable babies and toddlers, and sleeping in the really uncomfortable bed in my parents’ guest bedroom, I find myself finally processing Matt’s passing. By the time I returned to Seattle, I found I was really needing some alone time. Now I realize what that gives me is the opportunity to grieve for the first time. Things were just too crazy before.

The funeral was awesome. I’ve spent so much time with the Matt who was sick these past six years, I’d started to forget the younger, more spry, funny, healthy Matt he was when most of the people who came to mourn Saturday knew him. I got to be reacquainted with my brother through the memories of others who loved him. And for that, I’m grateful.

But I need more time for me. Which means that I can’t for the life of me post something on here today that is witty, charming, funny, or otherwise enjoyable to read. I promise that tomorrow, I’ll be back in usual form. I just want one more day to adjust to what “normal” life looks like now that he’s gone.

I’m sorry for the hiatus. I appreciate your understanding. Better things tomorrow, I swear.

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